World unknown

I know I know, it's been a while since I posted last. I apologize for that. So much has been going on. It seems like it's always a whirl-wind.  My motivation and drive are still going strong. It's going strong in all directions. One should always have motivation and drive...... As long as it is positive and productive. 

  Do you ever have a moment or two ...... Or several ,that make you look around and wonder " who are these people" . I don't mean strangers in the world, that's too easy. I mean relatives. Who are the real people? The ones you grow up from a child seeing or the people you are able to see once you have gotten past the youth images? I know traumatic events create changes....... Sometimes those events are easy to see, sometimes you know the events and see the changes later. 

  As a mother, that has raised a child to "legal adult status" , I know that with the many levels of knowledge I carry with me ( how I was raised, my own life experiences, my experiences raising my now-adult child that is borderline personality and histrionic personality disorder diagnosed) I guess I just don't understand the surroundings my world is vastly changing into. I know the reasons. I know the explanations of reasoning behind each action of the players in my life. I guess the hard part is ......... Is that I see them. I pick up on them even when people think I don't . It is BECAUSE I know people that this happens. Do explanations justify actions? The human part......... The part with the feelings says no!!!! I will be good at what I do when I get my BA Degree in Psych. I can be objective. I am able to separate actions from emotions , I can identify that separation. I know it isn't personal. That's what my head tells me. My emotions work hard but sometimes remain human and find it hard not to take it personally when it is "family" especially when I was raised that family sticks together.  Well more than ever, especially since I have become an adult and mother with life experience in family, that family is  who you make it. There is family that will do one thing but act another out of obligated beliefs . Then there is family that always bounces back to have your corner........ And if one is lucky, those two may bend to meet in the middle and come together always unwavering. 

  I try hard to always make sure I think of others. All through life I have...... To the point that many friends and family have told me to think about me. So, when I feel to do something for me and to change something to make me happy, I get backlash that results in making me feel like I am selfish or my decisions in the way I do things or the way I Am is wrong. People don't HAVE to say things around me. I am able to pick up loud and clear on things that are not said to me ( directly  or at all) even if I can't pick up the translation , I will be able to pick up the positive or negative tone. I have had years of practice in my " prior life and world" and no I am not talking about "past lives". I was tired about 45 minutes ago......then 40 minutes ago I wasn't so much. School, Job, wedding/marriage , place of our own........ Alllll at the same time if I can manage it! At this point , need a place of our own just OUT OF respect and consideration FOR my family. Gonna try to get some sleep now. 6am comes very quickly once I actually get to sleep. Goodnight, for now.